Shrekking: 5 myths and realities of dating someone you're not attracted to

Psychologist Orion Taraban gave it a name this October: shrekking. From Shrek, the ogre: dating someone you find less attractive because you believe they'll treat you better, value you more, and never hurt you. Since August 2025 the idea has exploded on TikTok and split opinions: for some it's emotional maturity, for others it's settling out of fear. Psychology has clear answers to each myth. Here are 5 realities.

1 MYTH: “If they're less attractive, they'll treat you better”

REALITY: looks determine neither loyalty nor kindness. There's no evidence that less attractive people cheat less or love better; there's a bit of everything everywhere. How you're treated is decided by someone's character, not their face. Betting your heart on a stereotype is like picking a car by its color: it tells you nothing about the engine.

2 MYTH: “Settling is emotional maturity”

REALITY: emotional maturity is knowing what you want, not lowering your standards out of fear. Choosing from a fear of getting hurt isn't choosing: it's protecting yourself. And attraction truly matters: relationships born without desire tend to wither in silence, leaving two frustrated people instead of one happy one.

3 MYTH: “They'll value you more because they 'landed' you”

REALITY: putting someone on a pedestal out of gratitude creates imbalance, not love. When one feels like they “won” and the other like they were “done a favor”, the relationship becomes an emotional debt nobody signed up for. Healthy love needs mutual admiration, not a winner and a grateful one.

4 MYTH: “Hot people always cheat / are shallow”

REALITY: that stereotype dehumanizes in both directions: it turns the attractive person into a suspect and the unattractive one into a consolation prize. Judging someone's character by their looks is prejudice by another name, even when it wears a “dating strategy” costume. Kindness has no facial zip code.

5 MYTH: “It's a smart strategy to avoid getting hurt”

REALITY: getting out unscathed isn't the same as being happy. Avoiding all risk means avoiding real love, because real love always includes the possibility of loss. The honest question isn't “how do I protect myself?”, but “do I want a relationship or insurance against heartbreak?”. A heart that never risks never wins either.

Love born from the fear of getting hurt doesn't protect your heart: it just keeps it out of the game.

Reviewed by the Curioso Latino editorial team. Original content for entertainment and general knowledge.